The Platinum Rule

There is a good chance that you have heard of the golden rule-treat others the way you want to be treated. Seems pretty solid on the surface and by most accounts, it is. Today I want to introduce you to the “platinum rule”. I first heard about the “platinum rule” from the renowned Biological Anthropologist, Helen Fischer. She was a keynote speaker at the Couples Conference many years ago. She explained that the “platinum rule” is all about treating people the way THEY want to be treated. She discussed how we are all different and although we have similar needs, the way we want to be responded to and tended to varies. She stressed the importance of getting familiar with what your partner likes and dislikes rather than assuming they like things how you like them. 

Think about special moments in your life. How many of them are connected to someone seeing something special in you or remembering something unique about you? If the “platinum rule” seems a little suspect to you, try it out. Turn the focus on your partner and get curious about what they would like more of-what do they want for dinner, what do they want to do this weekend, what would be a big turn on in the bedroom for them? Would they like soft, feathery touch or firm solid contact? If you’re wanting to bring back a sense of vitality into your life and your relationship, allow room for difference and otherness. Esther Perel reminds us that love is about having and desire is about wanting. Get familiar with your own wants and that of your partner’s. Curiosity towards yourself and your partner can be a lot of fun and can feel like a cool breeze on a warm day.

Before you go, slow down and get interested. Be curious about yourself and your partner. What do they like, what do they want more of? Keep the golden rule if it helps you live with integrity and kindness. Make room for the platinum rule as it can strengthen the quality and level of pleasure in your relationship.